The woman (mother) may be unaware of the reality of the life of her unborn child, and believe that it is only a cluster of cells. This makes it hard for her to understand her feelings when she finds sorrow engulfing her after the abortion. No-one told her this is a common response to the death of her unborn child.
A young woman who contacted the Facebook page wondered if she was going mad, and confided that she felt life was hopeless and there was a strong desire to kill herself. She said that she felt she had lost the most precious thing she could ever have, but all she did was have an abortion to please her parents. As she began to realise that she needed to be able to mourn the death of her little baby she was able to honestly start the painful journey towards acceptance and healing.
“This abortion/suicide link is well known among professionals who counsel suicidal persons........Perhaps one reason for the strong abortion/suicide link exists in the fact that in many ways abortion is like suicide. A person who threatens suicide is actually crying out for help. So are women who contemplate abortion. Both are in a state of despair. Both are lonely. Both feel faced by insurmountable odds." - David C. Reardon, Ph.D.http://www.abortionfacts.com/reardon/abortion-and-suicide
You can pray:
I realise that I did not protect my baby, my mind is so troubled. Who can I turn to? Jesus loved little children, and told us to let them come to Him. Jesus please take care of my poor dead baby. I have such difficulty every day and feel that there is no future for me now. Please help me! You understand why I acted the way I did. You know my regrets and my suffering. You suffered also when you walked among us. I put my hand in yours, please don't let me go.
Who am I (song)
Women are routinely lied to when they are considering abortion. It can be years later, often when a photograph of an aborted baby is seen, that they begin to admit the development of the little body that has been torn apart.
At a display of the pictures of aborted babies in a London borough a young woman stood for a long time looking at one of the pictures. She had been told that at twelve weeks there was no development in the baby, basically it was nothing, but she said she could see it was just like a baby. If she had known she wouldn't have done it. Suddenly she could see what she had lost, a real baby.
“Ever been told that its 'just a bunch of cells?' If that were true, why is it so shocking to show the images? We think you should know the truth. The images are shocking, but they show why abortion must stop.”
You can pray
Now I understand what I have done! The shock is so great, there are such regrets. I could blame so many people, and live my life in bitterness and regret if I'm not careful, but even that would not bring my baby back. My baby has gone to death, and only one person has claimed to be greater than death. Jesus, if you can hear me please find my baby and keep it safe. I am so sorry that I allowed such a terrible thing to happen. Please forgive me.
In Christ Alone (song)
Some women are so pressurised into abortion that although they know their little baby is going to die they feel they have no option. The realisation of what they have lost and the re-playing in their mind of how they had no real choice can make it difficult to see the baby as an individual person whose life has been ended.
A woman who had an abortion over forty years ago had always seen herself as the victim, and found it difficult to forgive those involved for what they had done to her. A breakthrough came when she understood, through pictures of abortion, that the prime victim was her baby, and she was able to express pity for her child for the first time.
“The second victims of Abortion ..."While the majority of aborting women disapproved of abortion, they resorted to abortion because they felt forced by their parents, boyfriends or husbands..."
You can pray
God! Help me! My burden has increased now; I have guilt to carry as well as anger and sorrow. How could I have been so blind. Why didn't I fight harder for my baby. That one decision has coloured my entire life, I am weary of my thoughts and regrets. If only I had a place to lay down my burden. Could I trust in the cross of Jesus? It is said that you died to take the burdens of sin and shame, to set all mankind free from guilt. I can hardly imagine what my life would be like if I were free. I am reaching out to you Jesus, please take my hand.
Rape is often cited as the situation when abortion is a clear benefit, but this is not born out by the responses of women who have been in that position. A shocked and frightened woman who has been raped is all too frequently told not to worry, if she is pregnant she can have an abortion. This is not presented as an option but as the only possible way forward, and many women find it difficult to know what to do for the best. Research shows that this violation is as damaging as the rape for many women.
A woman had been raped and had subsequently had an abortion before her marriage. She said that she wondered if she would ever get over it. She was not talking about the rape, but the abortion. She felt that she had treated her unborn child like the rapist had treated her. She didn't have a chance to talk it out with anyone because it was just taken for granted that she wouldn't want to carry a rapist's child. It was my child as well, she said. That baby did nothing wrong.
“For example, it is commonly assumed that rape victims who become pregnant would naturally want abortions. But in the only major study of pregnant rape victims ever done, Dr. Sandra Mahkorn found that 75 to 85 percent chose against abortion.1 This evidence alone should cause people to pause and reflect on the presumption that abortion is wanted or even best for sexual assault victim.”
Watch Live Action President Lila Rose's powerful response to this question at the United Nations Commission on the Status of Women.
You can pray
Oh God, how terrifying is power without love. What cruelty was inflicted on me. I should have known better, I feel that I have treated that poor little baby just as badly as I was treated. How can I recover? Who will understand? Will I ever be forgiven? Where is my baby? The questions go round in my head, disturb my sleep. I need the healing that only God can give, but can I trust You, or will you be angry with me? I will put my hope in Jesus, the one who said He is gentle and humble. I will trust in Jesus who knows what it is like to suffer. I need your peace Jesus, please set me free from these regrets, lead me to safety.
Lord I Need You (song)
For a woman in a stable relationship an unwanted pregnancy often takes her to the doors of the abortion clinic. The plans for the family don't include a baby, or perhaps not yet. There is so much to achieve first; they are not prepared. When the right time comes they will both be in a better position to give their wanted baby all the advantages a child deserves. It is a difficult choice, but they feel they are being 'sensible'.
This decision assumes that the child in the womb is less than human, has no right to life and a place in the family, in short that it doesn't really exist. In order to live with the aftermath of an abortion taken for these reasons both parents often take a strongly defensive position and can be angry when they feel their views are being challenged. This denial can last for as long as ten years. In order to deal with the hidden pain that the loss of a child inevitably brings women often turn to drink or drugs. The ensuing chaos makes it even more difficult to focus on the primary cause of distress – the abortion.
A young woman who saw the pictures of aborted babies collapsed with the excess of emotion that overwhelmed her. She believed that she had 'dealt' with the abortion; had put it behind her. She was in deep denial; although it was painful for her this exposure to what had happened to her unborn child was the start of recovery from the deep trauma she had gone through.
"Psychological Treatment for Anxiety Disorders: A Review," MG Gelder, Journal of the Royal Society of Medicine 79:230-233, April 1986
"There is now wide agreement that the best psychological treatment for cases of phobic avoidance is exposure to situations that have been avoided, presumably because avoidance interferes with the natural processes by which anxiety reactions are terminated".; citing Mathews, Gelder, Johnston, Agora-Phobia: Nature and Treatment. London: Tavistock Publications (1981).
You can pray
Is it really true that something as small as the termination of pregnancy can affect me for so long, without me realising it? Life has been chaotic for quite a long time, and I seem to go round in circles. My best efforts don't seem to be enough to change things, in fact there are times when I feel that I'm bouncing from one difficult situation after another. They say it is darkest before dawn, but I could really do with some light right now. Someone said that they are the light – that was Jesus, but could he help me? If something doesn't change I might be beyond help soon. Jesus, can you hear me? Do you care for me? Are the stories about you true? Are you really the good shepherd, because I'm as lost and helpless as any silly sheep! Please show me the way out of this mess, please look at me with kindness.
Amazing Grace (song)
Women are victimised through prostitution, through incest, through child abuse. For these women abortion is a further violation; their ordeal is often secretive, many have have no protection in law, when they are taken to the clinics there is no refuge for them. As the years pass some of these women are able to free themselves from the domination they have suffered, the knowledge that their babies were not allowed to live by their pimps, their abusers, is often a source of further heartbreak.
Because of the complex nature of the abuse that some women face it can be difficult for them to separate out and address their problems. However, the writing of letters to their aborted babies, the remembering and naming can bring a large measure of relief and healing.
A woman who was trapped in an abusive relationship with a violent man was twice coerced into abortion. When she became pregnant for a third time she took desperate measures to escape and protect her unborn child. She couldn't face another abortion. She sought refuge with another man who, although not violent was controlling and found it difficult to understand the struggles his wife had to come to terms with the past. Her situation was complex and chaotic, and although she received some counselling the trauma of the abortions was not addressed as this is considered health care, it is legal and acceptable and therefore many discount the damage it can do to a woman.
...."Instead of providing help and support for such girls, staff at Planned Parenthood abortion clinics worked with admitted sex traffickers to arrange abortions for their victims."
You can pray
Can I really expect to find help anywhere? So many times I've been used, my needs have been ignored, I feel worthless and no-one notices. But I am a human being, I will not give up. There must be a god who can see what I've been through, who will have pity on me. There is Jesus, who was rejected and unjustly killed. Did he really come back to life? Has he got the power to help me? I believe that he was a truly good man, he would not have tricked and abused me. I will ask him – Jesus, help me! Rescue me from this life that I'm trapped in! You know what I've done, you know how frightened and desperate I've been. Help me Jesus, I have no-one else to turn to. All my hope is in you.
Mercy Tree (song)
A woman may be advised to have an abortion by the doctor because of a medical condition which would cause the baby to be disabled, or even not survive the birth. Even though she may want the baby to be born and take it's chances she may be afraid that she will not have the resources or the courage to provide for the baby's needs. Unless she has a strong partner, family and/or friends to support her she will be under pressure and usually told that it is the kindest thing for the baby. Women who abort for this reason are at risk of mental and emotional problems, their anguish can lead to long term depression and guilt.
A woman in this position went through her pregnancy with the support of her husband, her family and the church. The baby died peacefully the same day it was born, but it was given a name, a place in the family and a funeral. If he had been aborted his body would have been torn apart in a violent death and put in the yellow bag with the medical waste.
“Some claim that abortion 'prevents' disability but all it does is kill those who happen to have a disability. No doctor would claim to be curing cancer by killing cancer patients.”
You can pray
Oh God, how can I ever forgive myself! I did not protect my baby, I was weak and gave in to my fears and my baby paid the price. Poor little one, I should have treated it with respect, with tenderness. I should have given it dignity.... If only I could go back in time. All I can do is put my baby in your hands, you are called the Lord of time..... If only I could restore my baby to life. Jesus, you are called the Lord of life, you defeated death when you died on the cross, you are the only man to come back from the death. Please take care of my baby, please take care of me. I am afraid that this will haunt me all the days of my life – please set me free.
I need you now (song)